Over the past while I have developed a fascination for  both Western and Vedic Astrology.  Quite recently I received some bad news from my current Vedic astrologers of choice – the friendly folks down at Astroved.com.

“Your chart shows that you have a “Naga Dosha” which is an affliction of the Snake Planets Rahu and Ketu.”

And I’m like “Yeah, right!” not Rahu and Ketu!  They are the Moon Snakes that inhabit the North and South poles of the moon and I think they are wicked cool and certainly do not want them to be afflicted (or afflicting me for that matter).

So I read on . . .

“Naga Dosha in the ancient tradition was caused from a previous birth when either you or your ancestors killed or harmed snakes instead of revering and respecting them.”

And I’m like “Oh Snap! I killed a snake!”.

It’s true, and not in a past life either – this one.

As the horrible realization crept over me, the room became all distorted and wiggly.  There was a soft twinkling of ghostly music.  A haunting and repetitive deedlee-dee melody penetrated my thoughts, sliding inward and down my mind basket.  Reverberating down the dusty corridors of my corpus callosum into long forgotten disused vaults of memory, to the core of the reptilian brain. I was transported 80′s-sitcom-flashback style to a time when I was a young fourth grader visiting a school friend for the weekend.  He lived, not on a farm exactly, but in farm country which I loved because there were woods and vineyards and adventure all over the place.

 

We were out playing one fine afternoon, when his dog went crazy. We ran over immediately, dropping our playthings.  His dog was “fighting” a snake.  A regular, harmless, common everyday garter snake.

I say ‘fighting’, but ‘killing’ would be more accurate.  That snake had no chance.  The two of us freaked out.  It was surreal.  On one hand it was cool because we were witnessing DOG vs.SNAKE ‘Live and Uncensored in the Wild.’  Additionally, a live snake really was something new and exotic for me.  On the other hand, here was this scary, exciting living creature being rough-housed to death by another, larger and far more effective killing creature.  It was a great joy and wonder poisoned by a deep unease that seeped up from within deep dark parts rarely visited and never yet imagined.

 

Freaky.

 

We scolded the dog and shooed it away ending the fight. We were left with the chomped and  bedraggled remains of the defenestrated snake.

Now you may or may not be familiar with this fact, but much like the chicken, a snake with its head cutoff will still thrash about as though alive.

 

Exhibit A.   In case you were feeling skeptical.         

 

Now the two of us being young boys, were both aware of this factoid, as this was the sort of grisly fact that burns itself into your memory the instant you hear it. We stood there staring at the writhing snake in emotional limbo, torn between fascination and dismay. Grossly slicked with dog drool and snake blood we remained uncertain as to the actual status of the snake.  Was it still alive and writhing in agony?  Or was it dead and we were witnessing only the final flickerings of its failing reptile nervous system?

The life and death ambiguity of the situation proved too much for our juvenile minds and we decided that the surest solution to this quandry would be to beat the snake about the head with a rock to ensure that it was in fact dead.  This was accomplished with a small modicum of concern for the suffering snake, but I hate to admit there was also a sense of triumph in the act.  Triumph undercut with bloodlust.

Up to this point in this tale of woe, I do want to say that I don’t think I am stricken with some Vedic Naga Dosha because of any of this.  Objectively, with the soothing succor of time, it’s not sooo bad.  As a result of the actions of the dog, the snake was already either dead or dying when we found it.  So either we pummelled a corpse or committed an act of clumsy euthanasia.  We were young and in our own little savage way I think we were just trying to help out and make things right.  What happened next is where I’m sure a cosmic line was crossed.

We threw the snake at a train.

A train track ran perpendicular to the street my friend lived on, then a short jog from his house the street crossed over it as a bridge.  After we had smashed the snake’s head in good with a rock, it still hadn’t  stopped moving completely.  It had slowed quite a bit, but that horribly unsettling life and death ambiguity persisted.  It was our own micro-visceral embodiment of the mind-body dichotomy and it was freaking us out. That and the burgeoning sense of parental and celestial guilt.  To some degree we understood that we were now implicated in ‘serpenticide’.  The possibilty of “getting into trouble” loomed large.  Suddenly, we heard the train.  Without discussion we knew what to do.  I picked up the snake by the solid bits and together we high-tailed it to the train bridge. As the speeding train passed below us, along with our only chance at salvation, I tossed the snake unceremoniously down upon it.

 

Problem solved.

 

We grinned at each other, relief washing over us with each clack of train on timber, as the undead snake rattled off towards the horizon. Riding high upon the back of the Thunderchief.

 

I’m sorry Moon Snakes.  I clearly earned this Naga Dosha. To be frank, if it wasn’t obvious, I have only the slenderest understanding of what that even means. I am sorry I freaked out and neglected the proper observances for the passing of that poor snake.  Please accept my humblest apologies and most heartfelt assurances that I will treat all serpents with greater reverence in the future.  I now offer this small poem as a token of my deepest apologies and regrets.

 

Ode to that Poor Snake

Oh man snake

You got bit by a dog

You got bit by a dog a lot

That sucks

Are you still alive snake?

Or are you only fake alive like I saw on TV?

 

I hope that now you are all the way dead

You don’t hurt anymore

Safe travels snake

Who knows what wonders wait you over the horizon?

Link is Completely Unrelated

-jac0bj0hn